Masculinity and Submission

You know those moments in life when you feel like you're seeing for the first time? I'm having one of those moments. I've been staring at Ephesians 5 verses 22-24 (for many years actually), seeing only verses 22 and 24 and kind of ignoring Jesus sat right in the middle of them. 

It's ok though. In the great words of Oprah Winfrey "Do the best you can, then when you know better, do better" and for me this speaks about an acknowledgement that we must keep looking forward, with an awareness that the next 'known' better knowledge is just round the corner. God has a plan and a purpose for our lives and the progress within it (Jeremiah 29:11) which should spur us on to discover what that is with joyful expectation. John 16:12-13 tells us that the Holy Spirit will move on us when we are ready to receive new truths, not before, and this is hugely reassuring. Of course this doesn't mean that we should be passive, just that we should know that there are seasons and sometimes we need to move through one before we are ready for another. 

For some, those seasons might be past pain related and God needs to work on those past influences, heal and bring you to repentance for your part. Our 'part' often involves a lack of forgiveness (Mark 11:25) and we are commanded to forgive the people who have harmed us in order to clear the way for growth in our relationship with Jesus. Remarkable of course that Jesus died for us before we even knew we needed forgiving. He sets Himself as an extraordinary and counter culture role model for forgiveness. 

Of course this is not often an easy journey to make and the complicated lives of humanity requires a far more nuanced approach than simply "forgive them and then you can move forward". Consider for example the women who have experienced violent domestic abuse at the hands of their husbands. Leaving them has often sadly meant inviting ostracization from their church communities and even being told that they should stay and submit 'more' and 'win' the heart of an unbelieving spouse. No wonder then that the world often sees the church as a breeding ground for domestic violence and Christian marriage as a tool of male control and female subjugation.

Having difficulty being able to see men in any other capacity other than absent or abusive is therefore an understandable barrier for me to reading verses such as Ephesians 5:22-24. Masculinity and submission have become so distorted by both the church and then the world that they have become unrecognisable from what Jesus taught and demonstrated in His life. Definitions of masculinity are woefully inadequate, indeed we've relied on a 16th century interpretation which offers us gems such as "the quality or state of being manly", telling us nothing about what that actually means. Submission is seen as yielding control to superior others and again this potentially ends up lacking the nuance it comes with. Wielding it instead like a weapon and causing strife in relationships and within churches.

Looking to popular culture equally offers little as gender stereotyping has resulted in gross caricatures of what it is to be male and female. From the Stepford Wives to superheroes, extremes seem to be the only way gender can be explained and it seems to me that this further undermines the counter culture message that Jesus had about what it was to be male and what it means to submit. When God created us, he created us male and female as a celebration of His image represented here on earth. I doubt He had in mind the specific managerial make up of how individual households will work, other than that together, male and female work better.

Bearing in mind that this writer is very much a work in progress when it comes to discussion around submission, I am however very well versed in matters of transformational leadership. So lets look at the verse again:

"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is Saviour".

In the previous verse, the wife is asked to "submit yourself to your husband as you do to the Lord". Lets save the 'for the husband is the head of the wife' for another day and concentrate for now on "AS Christ is head of the Church, His body, of which He is Saviour". Jesus demonstrated his headship of the church by laying Himself down as a living sacrifice in order to reconcile us to God. Jesus goes on in verse 25, to hammer home the point that husbands are to "love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her". Husbands are commanded to sacrifice themselves in order to truly reflect Jesus' vision for marriage.

Abuse, manipulation and control have no demonstrable place in that image. Giving up their autonomy for an equitable union, promising to put their wives before themselves is evident in this picture. Submission in the dictionaries is interesting. The definition we are generally more familiar with talks about submission being a state where the submissive gives up control and can no longer do what they want. However another definition suggests that to submit is to offer (submit) their ideas and plans to another so that they can consider it. This reflects submission as spoken about in verse 21 where we are told to "submit to one another in love". When offered first and as a context to which we read the whole passage, suggests it is this more nuanced vision of submission we can aspire to. 

Submission itself becomes a lot less scary when seen in this context. As many other writers have concluded I'm sure, who would take issue with submitting to a person who unfailingly puts you first and respectfully honours your value as an image bearer of God. Real masculinity is also put into sharp relief when seen through this lens of submission. 

Masculinity is demonstrated in Jesus.

He was generous with His time and loving with His friendships. He was respectful, kind and understanding with women. He had an appreciation for the difficulties of those who were oppressed and there are several examples of times when he was moved by compassion and displayed extraordinary balance in his expression of both grace and truth. He considered peoples weaknesses and built them up, never shying away from difficult truths but addressing them with honestly and out of a position of loving relationship - ask his disciples! He demonstrated that masculinity is not being better, stronger or bigger than another person. When He taught, it was gently, with insight and not ego. He was a practical provider - feeding multitudes and even saving the face of a wedding host by providing wine, representing His generosity. He laid down His life for His bride, the church, even though it was painful, even though in His humanity He didn't want to do it. He emptied Himself and became like a servant to demonstrate the love of God (Philippians 2:7). He was created a man. Therefore he is masculine. He lived his life as God planned it for him, uniquely, not to any other blueprint. That is biblical masculinity.

Inevitably so there is a conversation to be had about what biblical femininity means and so that is another post for another day though my thoughts are certainly along the same lines. For me, this feels like a little breakthrough. To what, I'm not sure. Is it concession? It doesn't feel like it. I'm sat in a moment where a bible verse which previously felt completely unreachable, suddenly feels like it really is able to breathe life as promised in 2 Timothy 3:15.